Be happy. That sounds so simple. Like there is just a switch that you turn to to ‘happy’, and then tada!! But it’s not that easy for most, including myself. It has been greatly researched and there are all kinds of theories and ideas on what happiness is and how to achieve it. I have never thought much about happiness as I assumed I had it, until about 5 years ago.
About 5 years ago I was diagnosed with depression. I will go more into this topic specifically in a later post. This disorder effects about 14.8 million Americans a year, so I know I’m not alone, although it does’ make it any easier. I have been on medications, like Zoloft, and although I didn’t feel ‘depressed’ as much, I didn’t really feel happy either. Like I was on autopilot, kind of dull. I use to be witty, energetic, fun and just more happy and I wanted that back. I still want that back.
Fastford to now and I am still almost in the same place. While I am currently not taking any antidepressants I still do not feel as happy as I believe I should. I feel like I am not fun for my kids and can sometimes drag down my fiancé. I want to be the opposite. I want to be someone that they look at and think, ‘She is so happy, I want to be around her’. I know they love me but it is about more than that. I want to feel happy so that my happiness is exerted onto them, and they are happy in life. I also want to be happy for myself, which is probably where I should start. I know I will never be that person that you see and they are ALWAYS smiling and look like they are lit up like a Christmas tree, but I have never been that. I just simply want to be happy.
So…..I have decided to focus on this issue in my life and try to find happiness, as cliche as it sounds. I have tried medication and didn’t get the results I wanted to now it is time for new techniques. Stay tooned!